I shouldn’t be here…

It’s all so completely arbitrary – who, how, where, and what I am.

When I start to think of all the things– the chance, the luck, the chaos, the opportunities, and missed connections – that have brought me to here and now… well by all accounts, I shouldn’t be here.

Not to say that I am a complete puppet in all of this. I have done. Acted. Created. Impacted. I have made certain things happen based on where I find myself, taking ownership and interacting in my own unique way.

Yet, in the grand scheme of things – in the sheer mind-boggling magnitude of the series of systems and events that culminated in life as I know it?* I’ve had a pretty miniscule amount of control, let’s be honest.

     •   •   •

I want to do everything remembering that I am entitled to nothing.

I’ve found acknowledging my lack of control to be really powerful. (When it’s not overwhelming… practice makes that a bit better, each time.) I feel like living in graceful humility, without losing my agency, will be my life’s work.

Understanding context and being grateful-out-loud helps. Because honestly, everything is a privilege; a fascinating happenstance. I’m sometimes dumbfounded just thinking about it.** I shouldn’t be here…

But I am. And so, I’m determined to work and play and breathe and be in a way that merits the incredible mix of randomness that’s formed this life I’m living.

~ H

* Nationality. History. Policy. Economy. Freedom. Citizenship. Rights. Gender. Home. Family. Influencers. (…)
And I’m only thinking back in a very limited scope – just one generation, and parents’ immediately personal histories.

• Q & A with Malcolm Gladwell about Outliers
Bah, Humblebrag – New York Times


a gentle note to self.

Comparison is constructed. There is no better than. No ‘above’. No ‘below’. There are simply different stages. Live in them fully. Move through them completely. there are lessons to be learned here.

Remember that one way or another, we are all struggling. Every single one of us. Fighting our silent battles, weary, resting, gathering strength. Trying again. Always trying again.

courage. compassion.

Practice these two things. First and foremost, towards yourself. Remember that there is no perfect. Perfect is a myth. Practice will lead to more practice; a stronger process. It will get easier and it will get more difficult, all at the same time. keep. practicing.

Remember that outlook and attitude are what determine the experience. Challenges are guaranteed; suffering is optional. Carpe the eff out of the diem, regardless of how outwardly banal. Living fully in the everyday is the ultimate challenge. Revel in it. banality is a state of mind.

Don’t doubt yourself quite so much. Choices made from the very core of you will not ever be ‘wrong’. Stand by your decisions. have courage.

You will never be rid of fear. Fear is a reminder that you’re alive; use it. The point is not to be fearless. The point is to feel fear and do it anyway. You can do fearless, without being fearless. do fearless.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. Your story is your own, battles and all. Replace comparison with compassion.

be hopeful.